At the risk of this review being considered incendiary, I must preface it with my opinion on Mr. Brenden Fraisier. Nevermind that he looks like someone with downs syndrome on steroids, the guy cannot act. 
He is a moon-faced rube who seems to have have wandered onto a movie lot from East Bumblefuck, Nebraska and has somehow become mistaken for a bankable Hollywood star. My theory on his puzzling success: He has a massive penis and has used it to hypnotize Hollywood's most influential casting agents. With all due respect to the maker's of these movies, I have combined review for his latest "blockbusters." Not just because they are both hollow and pointless summer liquid shit-fests, but also because I saw them both in the span of a week, and I don't really remember which was which.
Both films are gruelling exercises in nincumpoopery. At best Fraiser comes across as stumbling
bumbling ass clown. At worst, he stirs your stomach when he stares passionately into the camera with his frog eyes, saying something like "The Mummy? I thought he was dead!" or "The center of the earth? I thought the earth was flat!" Really awful stuff here.If memory serves me correctly, one of them was in 3D. Big. Fucking. Deal. I personally tossed my 3D glasses aside in the span of a few moments, as they were way too small for my head. I really don't go for that technical shit anyway. I enjoy motion pictures, not kiddy shit. Aside from that, I think I slept through the majority of both movies. Anyway... I will sum both movies up: torches, tattered clothes, monsters, loud noises, and Moonface McBoring.
2 Flems, one for each.
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