Mama Mia

Okay. I want to begin this review by saying I am a pretty big ABBA fan. Love their stuff. Love the look, everything. I also love Meryl Streep. Love her. She is really one our finest actors. She has proven time and time again. I saw the musical last summer and it blew my slacks off. It's no small secret to anyone who knows me that this was one of my most anticipated films of the year. So when I was invited to an advanced screening last night, I was beside myself.
That said, the experience of watching Mama Mia was not unlike getting fellated by an electric eel. An angry electric eel. It was that bad. Streep appeared drunk onscreen throughout the entire film, and I predict a rehab stint for her in the near future. The supporting actors are seen behaving rather candidly in background scenes, as if they have no clue they are on screen (for example a supporting character is seen struggling to open a tampon package while Streep sings in the foreground..truly bizarre).

The songs themselves contain strange anomalies, such as whole sections where the actors clearly forgot the words, and look to eachother for help, often shrugging visibly. Also there were weird "Beatles like" stereo effects such as vocals being panned violently from left to right, in a truly disorienting fashion. The songs often fade out, while the "actors" keep mouthing the words until they are inaudible, often crouching further down as the song gets quieter, only to bolt upright and start speaking as normal again as soon as the song fully fades out. Confusing as hell, if you ask this guy.
The kicker? Dancing Queen does not even appear in the film! (well, in all fairness it could have played while I was in the bathroom, but when I got back I could derive no evidence in the context of the scenes before or after I shat my brains out Regal Cinema-style). Bottom line, people constantly missed dance cues, the shots were often poorly framed (for example, in the pivital scene where Meryl Streep finds out who the father of her child is, half her face is cut out of the picture! This movie seemed very rushed and absolutely strange. The only shining light in the film? Pierce Brosnan as a lady-killing ad exec (I believe) who has a habit of exposing his ample penis at crucial moments. Other than that, this film was about as interesting as the Bodies Exhibit at the museum, (I thought they would be naked, not skinned!)
1 Flem.